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Special Interests Surrender, "For Good of the State"

Updated: Aug 4

Citing Need for More Jobs and Better Education, Special Interests Announce Cease Fire in War on Louisiana Jobs and Students


Today, some of Louisiana's biggest special interests declared a cease fire in their war on Louisiana jobs and students.


The announcement was led by Louisiana's most powerful special interest, the trial lawyers. Recognizing that their endless abuse of Louisiana's legal system has directly cost a nearly $4 billion loss in economic activity, and over 22,500 jobs, the attorneys in Louisiana's coastal lawsuits today dropped all lawsuits, declaring "For once, we will do what is good for the state, not our wallets. Even though we stand to profit greatly from these lawsuits, we recognize the destruction they've had on Louisiana's economy, and it's time for us to move on."


The news was welcomed among most Louisianans, but some politicians and high-paid lobbyists were disappointed by the news that the "big bank accounts that got them elected" won't be around next year. Some judges were especially hard hit, as they face losing millions of dollars in campaign funds.


Not to be out done by the trial-lawyers, the leaders of Louisiana's education swamp, The Louisiana School Boards Association and Louisiana Association of School Superintendents, announced a change in direction, saying "we will act in the best interests of students and parents - not administrators and bureaucrats. After soul-searching, we can no longer defend the status quo in one of the nation's lowest-ranked public education system. It was wrong for students, parents, and all Louisianans."


Both organizations will drop their support for hiding the poor performance of Louisiana's public schools, with LASS saying "We were wrong to try and avoid accountability for our superintendents and school administrators - parents should have access to data about the performance of their children's school."


The LSBA added that their $2 million, largely taxpayer financed budget, would be spent supporting schools and buying classroom supplies, rather than lobbying for progressive school legislation. They also announced support for measures to bring transparency into public school expenditures, saying "The public should know how public dollars are spent - we believe taxpayer funded organizations with nothing to hide can only gain from transparency." This is a reversal from just last year, when the group made defeating transparency legislation one of its top goals.


Unfortunately, the special interests ended each of their statements with a qualifying note that today is indeed April 1, and this is just another cruel joke they've decided to play on Louisianans!


Happy April Fools Day!


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